Mini-meltdown

The past few days have been a roller coaster of emotions. This week I had a mini-meltdown over paperwork and just the "work" of the adoption. After receiving an email from our agency, I thought that I forgot to send in a form to the CIS. Knowing that anything from the CIS takes a minimum of 6 weeks, I panicked. I called our coordinator and found out that I didn't need it after all, but spent a good amount of time just going over all the forms we need to take to China with us. I feel as if I haven't worked on anything in my life as hard as I have worked on this adoption. It has been a year and a half, and I just felt tired. I cried on the phone to my mom because:

a. I was on the phone and trying to get everything in place all day and was just exhausted. It is the unknown that gets you. I have worked so hard on all of this paperwork and kept such meticulous track of it all, if I miss something, am I just a complete moron, to work so hard and miss something. Thankfully, so far I haven't.
b. There are so many children that need homes and it just doesn't need to be this difficult.
c. There has been so much anticaption and waiting for little Kai. We have wanted to have more children for what seems like so long, I am just ready to meet him.

It felt good to just have a good cry and sort of let it all out. My mom, bless her, said, "Now, you know that things always seem worse at night." Which is absolutely true and of course, it was night-time. This is from my mom, who for YEARS came back to sit on my bed and talk to me over my worries of the day that would keep me up as a child. My mom has more patience than anyone that I know. We are so incredibly lucky to have family and friends that are so wonderful and supportive. My sister and my mom have certainly put in their share of time supporting me on the phone in my joys and my tough times.

As I was talking to my mom, Josh peeked his head in and whispered, "Did your mom just say everything seems worse at night?" Which made me laugh, as Josh always does. Josh has also been just wonderful. I have always wanted to adopt, but the whole thing just seemed so daunting. He was the one who finally said, "You know what, I think we just need to do it." So, here we are! I am not sure I would've taken this on without his full support in the idea.

I haven't been sleeping very much, as my mind keeps me awake. Last night after the family reunion at Uncle John's house, with great food, (yes I did need to eat 6 Rolaids afterwards! Too much good food, not enough stomach space) swimming in the pool, and winning the volleyball tournament (oh yes, Uncle John, if you are reading this, get ready for next year!) I was finally able to sleep well through the night.

Seeing Owen and Kyle and Elizabeth play in the pool and being surrounded by family just totally put my mind at ease. Before, family functions with kiddos sometimes left me sad as I wondered just when or how we would ever have more kids. Now, I know we have a little boy, waiting for us in China. We leave to get him in 16 days, and I am ready.